He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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