mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
