he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
