Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
