Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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