on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize