About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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