I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize