he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
