stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
