he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
