I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why do cheetos always look like penises
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
