Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
