there's paper in my vomit.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
