the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want nice things and good sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
