as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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