Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
...so i touched it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
