we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
