it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize