I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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