I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
