I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
