I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize