He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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