hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We left the knife in your bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
