so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
