i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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