hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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