Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
