you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
