No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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