bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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