I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
