he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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