yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
