at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
