I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize