I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
