Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
