I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
how does that bad decision feel?
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