i jhust puked up my retainher.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Two words: blizzard sex
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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