Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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