So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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