I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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