I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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