I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
