cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
