I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
