So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
my poor anus
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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