I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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