Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
