i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
