So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
