first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize