Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
