I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
