Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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