was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
