I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
