i jhust puked up my retainher.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
