You just made me feel so damn special
im drinking this country out of the recession.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
