Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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