Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
