Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize