The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
