when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I lost the right to judge tonight
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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