i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
