Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
