We're like a lot better than the average bears
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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