did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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