In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
