I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
