I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
