I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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