I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize