so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
