where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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