Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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