Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
