dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
