I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
