Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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