In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
