My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
