She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
