All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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