just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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