I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I could fuck to npr.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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